First, he's hard on himself. Sometimes really hard on himself. For the longest time, he'd get mad or upset, or both, when he didn't hit the baseball every time it was thrown his way. It wasn't until he understood what a batting average was that we could finally explain that even Derek Jeter only hits 3 out of 10 baseballs thrown to him by pitchers and that even the best players only might hit 4 out of 10. He calmed down but still gets upset with himself if he feels he's not doing as good as he could or feels he should. If you know me, well, this probably sounds familiar.
This carries over to school work at times. Anything but totally right is almost like failure to him--despite how many times I tell him that it's ok to get some things wrong sometimes. (Granted, he's not so concerned with whether his letters are perfect if, say, doing the last sheet of homework is all that stands between him and dessert.)
And then there's the anxiety around the simple need to be done with something. Not long before the end of a school day, he gets anxious. He's done. He wants to go home/to after school. All of a sudden, the last 10 minutes of the day, the three minute wait to be picked up, it seems like an eternity. He's sometimes been so worked up thinking about the end of the day that he's anxious at the beginning of the day. We've really lucked out because he has an incredible teacher who has managed to quell this when it comes to school. In other situations, we're still working on it (although it's not as common, and frankly, I totally get how he feels because I experience that moment when I just need to be done with something, the moment after which the anxiety kicks in.... so if he's had it and it's possible for us to leave a situation, I just leave).
I really don't want my son to be like me in these ways. But I've found it hard to come up with the right strategies to curb these traits, even if I've been able to manage them in myself. Or, I'll come up with something that has worked for me, kidify it, try it and it doesn't work. I think I want what most parents want--to provide the sort of parenting and the kind of environment where a kid feels loved and confident enough to allow himself to get it wrong sometimes without feeling like he himself is all wrong. I'm pretty sure I've got the loved part down but I'm not entirely sure how to instill and live the confidence-building part.
If you've been down this road, any advice?
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