Turns Out, Missing Bedtime Isn't The Problem

When I was pregnant with my first child, I resolved that I wouldn't miss more than one weeknight bedtime a week--if I could help it--when I went back to work. For many years, I managed to stick to that personal boundary most of the time.

Over time, I've realized that this boundary wasn't really about being there at bedtime, but more about being  a part of that time of night where my kids want to cuddle up to me, tell me about their day (ok, just the one who speaks clearly does that), grab a favorite book and settle in for the night. To be in the right frame of mind to truly treasure that time--or even just be mentally present for it--I've got to be home about 15 minutes before that pre-bedtime routine begins. That means walking in the door by 7:15pm.

Before last fall, that was doable. Before last fall, I worked from home one day a week and was home by 6:30 several nights a week. But these days, I'm lucky to leave the office by 6:30 (except for Wednesdays, my one kid pick-up day). It's not unusual for me to get home at 7:30, after 9 or 10 hours in the office. And I often have another hour of work to do once the kids go to bed (if you're wondering, no, they don't pay me enough to work this much). I'm very efficient at work; I don't spend much time on chit-chat or watercooler talk. I'm so engaged in my work that I don't break for lunch (eaten at my desk, typically) until 2pm. I just have too much to do.

I think my absence impacts me more than it impacts my children. The one day a week I'm home earlier, I feel better. I can breathe. I'm all there. We have tickle-fests. We turn music on and dance. We actually play with the toys in the play room. There is time for both the mad dash of getting everyone fed, bathed and pajama'd and time to be truly engaged with my children before the bedtime routine begins.

So I have a revision to that be-home-by-bedtime resolution. I want to be home early enough to spend at least one hour of quality time with my children more nights each week (with that 15 minutes to decompress, that means getting home no later than 6:45). For now, I'd settle for two nights. Three would make me giddy. 

To be honest, I have no idea how I'm going to achieve this and keep doing my job well (please, don't suggest I chuck it all and stay home, that's not what I want to do). I've lost a great deal of control over my time--and the flexibility I used to have at work--in the last five months. If I can't get everything done in 10 hours at the office, how will I do it in 9?